Still With Stupid (Spongebob Squarepants Fanfiction)
Still With Stupid (August 5, 2018) Synopsis - Patrick receives an unexpected visit from his fake parents. Characters Patrick Star Marty Janet Spongebob Squarepants Gary The Snail Margie Star Herb Star Squidward Tentacles Police Officers Bikini Bottom Brawlers & their coach The Story The story begins at Patrick's house. He finishes brushing his teeth. He grabs the empty tube of toothpaste and throws it into his trash can from afar. PATRICK: Score! Patrick then heads into his Kitchen, devours a box of Frosted Flakes, and is about to brew up some coffee, when he happens to hear a knock at his front door. PATRICK: Wait? They’re already here?! Patrick struggles to put on his trunks, but he eventually succeeds. He heads up & answers. PATRICK: Mom! Dad! Patrick's smile then turns into a frown when he sees that it is Marty & Janet, his fake parents. PATRICK: Ahem, can I help you strangers? MARTY: Wow son! You actually remembered we were strangers this time! PATRICK: Don’t call me son! We are not related! JANET: Aw don’t say that! We’re just pushing your buttons! PATRICK: I don’t need button pushing! I got Squidward for that! MARTY: Well I will call you son anyways, since I find it to be a great nickname! PATRICK: Well I suppose? MARTY: Excellent! Now, do you have something in the fridge for ol Jan & I? JANET: He probably forgot where it is.. PATRICK: It's in the back. MARTY: Thanks son! One more tip like that, and you will be as smart as a School Teacher! Marty & Janet walk to the fridge while snickering. Patrick stares for a bit before running out of his rock at the speed of light. Spongebob finishes cooking bacon & eggs on his stove and is about to give it to Gary… until Patrick bursts through the wall & then devours it. PATRICK: Delish! Gary angrily hisses at Patrick & claws him. PATRICK: Ow! Gary leaves while angrily meowing to himself. SPONGEBOB: I see your senses are working well today. PATRICK: Yep! But the breakfast isn’t all what I came here for. SPONGEBOB: What's on your mind monkey butt? PATRICK: You remember Marty & Janet? The people that were my parents, but are not actually my parents? They called you stupid…. which was funny by the way, hehe! SPONGEBOB: I remember all too well… and I wish I didn’t. PATRICK: Well, they’re back! And it just so happens that my real parents will be coming over to dinner in a half hour! SPONGEBOB: And they’ll meet Marty & Janet, thus creating a very crazy situation that could lead right to World War III. PATRICK: You are probably right... SPONGEBOB: I got an idea Patrick. Why not just invite Marty & Janet to the dinner as well? Introduce them to your real parents, let them mingle, settle it out, and that should not make the situation dive into chaos! PATRICK: Could that work? SPONGEBOB: And how! PATRICK: Well why didn’t you say so?! I’ll do it! SPONGEBOB: But I did say so. The scene cuts to Patrick returning to his rock. There is about a minute left until Margie & Herb arrive. Patrick looks to see Janet sewing his shorts. PATRICK: Um? Why are you using that thing on my trunks? JANET: I just figured you wouldn’t want your pants to be wrinkly. PATRICK: But I like my pants to be wrinkly. JANET: Oh… Janet turns her sewing machine off. JANET: My bad. Patrick then sees Marty sitting in his chair watching a football game. MARTY: Hey son! You should watch this football game with me! The Bikini Bottom Brawlers are leading 44-33, and we are 2nd down! Come look! PATRICK: Thanks, but football is not my type of thing. MARTY: Really? Huh, I been living in Bikini Bottom for 20 years, and here I thought they had many football fans. A knock sounds at the door. PATRICK: Yay they’re here! I’ll get it! JANET: Who is here Marty? MARTY: I dunno? Maybe a tumbleweed? Patrick answers the door & greets his real parents, Margie & Herb. PATRICK: Hi real Mom! Hi real Dad! HERB: Wow son! You actually remembered we weren’t strangers this time! MARGIE (pinching Patrick's cheek): Good this happened! Otherwise I would have had to showcase a polaroid of a certain little baby starfish! PATRICK: Boy! That sure would be embarrassing! Patrick & his real parents walk into the rock & face Marty & Janet. HERB: Wait? Who are you two? MARTY: I was going to ask the same thing. PATRICK: Fake Mom & Fake Dad, these are my real parents! Real Mom & Real Dad, these are my fake parents! MARTY: Well hello! HERB: Nice to meet you! JANET: Put her there! MARGIE: By her? Do you mean this super cute polaroid of a certain baby starfish?! Margie shows Patrick's fake parents his baby picture of him in a stinky & full diaper. Marty & Janet burst into crying laughter. PATRICK: Mom!!!!! MARGIE: Oh come on! You can’t deny its cuteness! The scene jumps to Patrick cooking Krabby Patties for dinner over a stovetop. Meanwhile, the adults fully acquaint. HERB: So Marty? What do you do for a living? MARTY: Nothing special! Just you know? Replacing 3 watt light bulbs, working on circuits, installing power breakers, and battling electrical fires on Friday Nights! If I really luck out on that last one! HERB: That sounds so much more awesome than my job! Seriously, chasing tornadoes has nothing on that! JANET: How about you Margie? What is your occupation? MARGIE: Other than being a faithful housewife, I work as…. um….. Herbie, what's my job again? HERB: How should I know? You never told me. MARGIE: Ummmm, oh poop! I forgot! JANET: That seems unfortunate. All I do is pump boat tires at an air pocket. MARGIE: Wait air pocket? Yes! I remember now! I work as a gas station attendant which also has air pockets! JANET: Wow! Small world! MARTY: You mean flat world darling! HERB: You’re a Flat Earther? Me too! Patrick sets down the Krabby Patties onto the Kitchen Table. PATRICK: Dinner is! The patties are already devoured and in the stomachs of the adults. Patrick sadly gets nothing. PATRICK: …. Served Marty sits back down onto Patrick's chair & sees that the Bikini Bottom Brawlers have lost. MARTY: What the?! What gives?!! MARGIE: What's wrong? MARTY: The Brawlers lost! But they were just winning 44-33! JANET: Um honey. You misread the score again. They were losing 33-44. MARTY: Oh….. I see. HERB: This is a tragedy! Bikini Bottom should never lose at football! MARGIE: Oh no! JANET: Guys! Herb picks up a flame torch. HERB: You want to start a riot Marty? Marty also has a flame torch as well as a roll of toilet paper. MARTY: Already ahead of you Herb. The men head out to act like classic crazed football fans. The chaos Spongebob predicted is now beginning. MARGIE: Boys! Get back here! JANET: This is completely irresponsible! Marty & Herb are already halfway down the street setting boats on fire & screaming about the loss. MARGIE: We have to go stop them! They’re going to burn down the entire city! OVER A FOOTBALL GAME! Let's go Janet. Margie & Janet get their coats on & prepare to pursue their husbands. JANET: Wait, if we're underwater, how can fires? MARGIE: Don’t question the illogic! Patrick relaxes in his chair once the adults have left. Before he could get rest, he hears another knock at his door. PATRICK: Who could it be now? Patrick answers the knock & sees that it is Squidward. SQUIDWARD: Fork it over! PATRICK: But I don’t use forks! I use sporks! SQUIDWARD: Not literal forks you dingaling! My satellite! You took it for that heap you call a television! PATRICK: Hey! Potato power is the best power you can get! Its slightly cheaper than cable! SQUIDWARD: Just give me back my satellite! Before I sue! PATRICK: Okay! Okay! Sheesh! Patrick gives back the satellite. SQUIDWARD: If you try to steal my Netflix, I will personally assault you with a shoehorn! PATRICK: Could I steal your Amazon Prime then? SQUIDWARD: Nooooo! Barnacle Head! Squidward leaves while grunting to himself. PATRICK: Oh wait… he's probably a Hulu guy. Patrick heads back into his rock, when he happens to receive a phone call. He answers. PATRICK: Hello? MARGIE: Honey! It's your Mother! Um, I am in a bit of a doozy of a pickle. Herb, well…….. he got arrested for arson. PATRICK: What?!!! Herb is shown being put in the squad boat, handcuffed. HERB: I got the best lawyers that have represented me in court before! Wait until they hear about this! POLICE OFFICER: Get this dope out of here! Herb is driven away to the county jail. MARGIE: And Janet is trying to stop Marty from getting personal with the Brawlers Coach. Margie then hears a splash and looks to see that Marty had dumped a jug of green gatorade all over the coach… but not in the good sportsmanlike way. COACH: Hey! This uniform is dry clean only! MARTY: Who cares?! Because of you! The Brawlers lost! AND WE WERE ON A WINNING STREAK! COACH: 2018 hasn’t been one of our best years though…. Marty growls & tries to strangle the coach. Janet intervenes to stop it. MARGIE: I gotta go, love you honey! See you soon! Margie abruptly hangs up, leaving Patrick in a train of thought. The scene jumps to the next day. Herb & Marty, who got arrested for arson & attempted coach homicide respectively, have been released on bail thanks to their wives. MARTY: Thanks for bailing us out as usual! HERB: It's what wives are for! JANET: Now I got a good suggestion. MARGIE: Stop getting into trouble! MARTY: But! HERB: The Brawlers lost! JANET: Do you want to go back to that prison cell? MARGIE: And have us divorce you?! MARTY: Would the divorce by any chance let me keep my full retirement? JANET: No! MARTY & HERB: NOOOOO!! MARGIE: That's what I thought. The four starfish have now returned to Patrick's rock. MARTY: I’m sorry for me & Herb causing quite a scene. Football just makes us wayyyy too crazy sometimes. HERB: Yeah… I almost put my step brother through a shredder once when the Brawlers lost the championship. PATRICK: I accept your apologies. But be aware that crimes are never okay, especially if it involves fire & homicide, whatever those terms mean. MARGIE: In other words! No more misbehavior! Or the Boogeyman will get you! PATRICK: But Marty & Herb are adults.. HERB: We’re not six! JANET: You used to be! MARTY: Good point. Patrick & the others decide to keep their ugly behavior at bay. SQUIDWARD: And let's also not forget, that this same stupid starfish, that tries to act like a goody two shoes, just hacked into my Hulu! The other starfish see Patrick's TV logged into Squidward's account. They look at Patrick disapprovingly. PATRICK: Oopsie Category:SquidwardTentacles35